To be or not to be

She in my view was the most gorgeous girl in school. There is always one. I'm happy to say she was my friend. We had several classes together and occasionally were partners in some project due by the end of the semester. She always wore the latest fashion from the best stores. Everything about her was perfect. Nails, long Brunette hair, posture, even the way she spoke. When she walked down the halls of our school she was both hated and adored, the envy of every other girl, including me. She could have worn a plastic bag and still, all the boys in their hormone filled youth wanted her as their girlfriend. I myself like all the others wanted her. My wanton was twofold, Like the boy's I wanted in her pants. Like the girls, I wanted her clothes. OMG! her shoes were to die for. I could never bring myself to ask her if she would let me try on any of her things. In my minds eye, we spent many after-school hours studying (not) trying on outfits and different ways to do our hair and makeup. I would have collapsed into a ball of pure ecstasy given the chance just once to wear anything she had. Most of the people I hung out with in school were girls. (geez! I wonder why) I was no threat to them being just a smart skinny kid who helped them with their school work. I looked more like a seventh-grade girl than a teenage boy. I was more interested in their clothes and makeup than anything else. Not that I wouldn't have jumped at the chance to make out with any of them. That never happened. I spend countless hours every day observing everything I could to learn about being a teenage girl in hopes I might get the chance to actually to dress like one during school. I always knew I was a girl, I just wasn't allowed to be one. It wasn't until my Junior year before I actually told someone about my real self, but that's a story for later.